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Getting defensive - recognise it & get to the bottom of it

TDW - Hypnotherapy Harrogate - Information on being defensive


Defensive behaviour comes naturally when we feel threatened. Physical defence is easy to recognise. Others types not so much. We can be unpleasant without even realising it. Why is it such a problem? it ruins relationships. Even worse, it can impact negatively on children.

Psychology is the science of human behaviour. Based on the premise: if you observe, you can understand, if you understand you can predict, if you predict you can control. Which seems straightforward but really isn't when it comes to being defensive.


First is the observation part. Easy to see it in others, not so easy to realise it in yourself. Because getting defensive is usually part of the fight or flight response. During this response, stress chemicals get released into the system. Altering not only physical reactions but also the way we think.

We become focussed on the 'attack' (perceived) and don't notice our own reaction as much. In our minds, our reaction is justified because we have been provoked. But how is it that some people get more defensive than others?

It depends a lot on how we grew up. What we learnt about our world and the significant people in it.

If you grow up in what seems like a hostile environment then your reactivity level is higher. If you were harshly disciplined or treated unfairly, then you are more likely to feel scared. Or there was a lot of shouting and criticism during special developmental stages, you feel guilty you have done something wrong. These leave you unable to remain calm in the face of critical words or situations and less able to return a balanced response.

Next time you feel yourself getting defensive, take some deep breaths, and look at the situation. Make a note of: Who. What. Where. How.


Understanding. Once you can recognise the triggers and your response to them, you can understand more about what the driving forces may be.


Predicting. When you understand your behaviour better then you can predict the whole scenario. What triggers you. Who triggers you most. Where does it happen more. How you typically respond.


Controlling. Being able to recognise and predict the cause and effect allows you to take a mental step back and calm yourself down. You can stop yourself saying hurtful things out loud. Remove yourself from the situation - tell them you want a time out. Treat yourself and the other person with compassion and respect.


These get easier with practice and determination to live life as your authentic self, not your 'little child' reactive self.


Of course you can also do this the easier way and find an experienced, skilled and trustworthy hypnotherapist to help you gain insight and clarity. And also release that pent-up fear and anger.


If you want to know more then please feel free to get in touch. The first call is always free. And it's not unheard of for people to experience life-changing results just from that call.


If you have questions on any of my services please feel free to call us me at 01423 206218 TDW Hypnotherapy Harrogate | Leeds | Surrounding areas




Disclaimer

This website/blog/article is provided for information only and is not intended to replace a consultation with your GP or other health care professional. The information on this website should not be considered as medical advice. If you have any doubts or concerns about your health, you should seek advice from a medical doctor. Results vary and depend on your participation and homework completion.

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